Putting Pen To Paper

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Taken For A Ride

posted by Fred MacKenzie at 8/03/2006 06:13:00 PM

Oh, great!

Jack and Susan are coming over again.

Does Jenny think I am blind? Stupid? I see the way she looks at him. It used to happen only when she thought I wasn't looking. But lately Jenny has become more and more obvious. Doesn't Susan notice too?

Jenny and I have been together for ten years. I thought I could have held her interest for longer, but to be honest, I am getting a little tired of her too. All that nagging, she finds it necessary to repeat everything she says to me several times. Jenny never shows me any affection. Maybe I should just leave.

The doorbell rings and in walks Jack and Susan. I don't bother to get up from my chair in front of the television. What does Jenny see in him anyway? Yeah, Jack is younger than I am, but he isn't especially good looking, and he always has bad breath.

There she goes again! Jenny is giving Jack a big hug, a little too long if you ask me. Hello! I am right here! Oh, man. I can't take this anymore. I get up and walk out the front door before it closes.

I hear Susan ask, "What's wrong with Max?" The door closes before I can hear Jenny's response.

I just keep walking and don't look back. Yeah, leaving here is painful, but it passes quickly.

After about a mile of walking along the road a Jeep Wrangler pulls beside me and stops. I recognise Jenny's friend Rachel.

"Max, where are you going?", she asks.

I just smile at her dumbly.

"Get in Max, let's go for a ride."

I can't refuse an offer like that. I have always liked Rachel. She has the nicest hair I have ever seen and she always smells great. If I get lucky, maybe she will take me back to her place.

As we drive down the road, Rachel makes a call on her cell phone.

"Hi Jenny. I just found Max walking along the road," Rachel says and pauses, looking at me. "Yeah, he's still wearing his Invisible Fence collar. Ok, see ya soon."

NO NO NO

"Max, you silly dog," Rachel says, scratching my head. "I'll take you home so you can play with Jack."

Oh, great!
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click to post a comment or read comments from: Blogger WDavid, Blogger PeggySueO, Blogger Ruth, Blogger penitentman, Blogger Peter, Blogger penitentman, Blogger Fred MacKenzie, Blogger Barbara White, Blogger Fred MacKenzie,

9 Comments:

  • Hey Fred...Good job. I think you handled Max's personality very well.

    The only change I'd suggest is picking a different name for Jenny or Jack. Two J names had me a little confused at first.

    As for a title, how about "Enough Is Enough"?

    I think I figured it out when Rachel said "Let's go for a ride".

    One of my classmates wrote a very similar story a couple of weeks ago. Jimmy was lost in the woods and couldn't find his mommy. He met a couple in the park and then wandered away from them when they started arguing about whetheror not they should try to help him. He met a scary man in a white van who offered him a cookie but he ran away from the stranger. Then he finally found his way home to mom only to have "mom" scratch behind his ear and put his food dish down on the floor where he could get it. Yup, Jimmy was a puppy.

    By Blogger WDavid, at 8/03/2006 07:22:00 PM  

  • That was good Fred. I even reread the invisible collar thing twice and was thinking what kind of S&M story is this before I read the dog part!!

    By Blogger PeggySueO, at 8/03/2006 07:40:00 PM  

  • What a cute read and funny too! I was all set to start making suggestions about how this guy should maybe have a different speech pattern or something to make it read a little better... Then I found out this guy is a dog! So who knows how a dog thought/speak sounds anyway? It didn't occur to be until the second reading why leaving home was so painful. It wasn't the breaking heart of leaving, it was the pain of breaking through the invisible fence! You got me on this one. Good job!

    By Blogger Ruth, at 8/03/2006 08:06:00 PM  

  • Haha, this is great Fred!

    So many hints tied in there and still a surprise.

    Well done!

    By Blogger penitentman, at 8/04/2006 12:05:00 PM  

  • Yes -- I thought this story was going somewhere else too -- couldn't wait to see if Rachel was taking Max home :)))

    re: Title... that's got me scratching my head -- how about "The Ride Home".

    By Blogger Peter, at 8/05/2006 07:36:00 PM  

  • How about "Taken for a ride"?

    A fitting double-meaning.

    By Blogger penitentman, at 8/06/2006 03:41:00 PM  

  • Thanks everyone for all the positive feedback, and for the title suggestions as well.

    Still thinking about it though.

    By Blogger Fred MacKenzie, at 8/06/2006 04:53:00 PM  

  • Great story - love the surprise ending. I agree, Jack and Jenny was a little confusing. But that was great!!

    i like "the Ride Home" as a title.

    By Blogger Barbara White, at 8/07/2006 07:31:00 PM  

  • I've decided on Taken For A Ride. Thank you penitentman.

    By Blogger Fred MacKenzie, at 8/11/2006 05:11:00 PM  

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