Putting Pen To Paper

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

God's Red Shoes

posted by Ruth at 7/25/2006 07:47:00 PM

What did God do before he made man?
Just sit around outlining his glorious plan?
Actually, I think he put on his work clothes
And began constructing our heavenly home.
I can just see him in boots and overalls
Sawing and nailing and hammering walls.
Designing a structure to house a gazillion
Complete with BBQ, deck and pavilion.
There would be, of course, a humongous pool
With chairs and umbrellas where we could stay cool.
A grand coliseum would be built down the street
Where choirs of angels would come to compete.
The botanical gardens he planted by hand
With trowel and rake and fertilized sand.
He chose each flower with infinite care
And planned to invite us all in to share.
With all of that work, he must have been pooped
As into his godly recliner he drooped.
And when it was time for his grandest creation
He looked forward to it with such great elation.
He changed from his work clothes and into his best,
His velvety robes which clung to his chest
Like the down of a duck so soft and fine,
It flowed with ease; with gold it was lined.
Then he chose his most bejeweled crown
To top this special occasion gown.
Right down to his toes he sparkled and shined
As he donned his red shoes each polished so fine.
With the wave of his hand, or the crook of his finger
He created the skies but there didn’t linger.
With more work to do to fulfill his great plan,
He created the earth and then he made man.
He gave him the animals to name one by one,
Then from man he made woman to assure him of sons.
He did all of this work in just six little days,
And to rest on the seventh was his only pay.
I think he really did hope it would work,
That we’d be his companions and not become jerks
But even the best of Godly intentions
Can be lost in the evil of mankind’s inventions.
If he looks at us now from his thrown up on high,
I’m sure there are tears in his red rimmed eyes,
Reflected in the light from his shiny red shoes,
Because he gave man the ability to choose.
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click to post a comment or read comments from: Blogger PeggySueO, Blogger Fred MacKenzie, Blogger Fred MacKenzie, Blogger Peter, Blogger penitentman, Blogger Ruth, Blogger penitentman, Blogger Ruth, Blogger penitentman,

9 Comments:

  • All in all I'd say it was pretty good. The first time through I stumbled on some of the cadence, but I tried to slow down when I read it again.

    By Blogger PeggySueO, at 7/26/2006 08:27:00 AM  

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    By Blogger Fred MacKenzie, at 7/30/2006 05:20:00 PM  

  • I like it alot. I was amused that you used the word pooped, which to me made drooped seem forced.

    I think I might rewrite those two lines like this...

    With all of that work, he must have been tired
    As into his godly recliner he retired.

    Maybe those two words are too close to each other in spelling, I don't know.

    I also think it ended too abruptly. I think there is a bunch more you could add to it. Starting from where you left off, talk about man choosing sin then work your way through the gospel story.

    Sorry to give you so much homework, but I do like it.

    By Blogger Fred MacKenzie, at 7/30/2006 05:21:00 PM  

  • I stumbled on some of the cadence too -- is that what it's called !?!? But I like the "pooped/drooped" part -- God is given so many human traits -- why not "pooped out" too???? I don't quite get the "red shoes" -- and glasses -- why red? It sort of reminds me of santa claus.

    I think I have to part ways with Fred's comments on your ending too -- I liked it... suddenly all this light hearted creationism turns into the philosphical dilemma so many face -- why did he give us the ability to choose? Or, more simply, why do bad things happen?

    I think you can make a connection with this choice we have, with all the blood we spill -- which is what makes God's shoes red. Just a thot.

    By Blogger Peter, at 7/31/2006 06:48:00 PM  

  • Hehe, what a fun poem!

    I for one, LOVE the pooped/drooped lines. To me, it really fits the character of the poem.

    I stumbled a bit on lines 3 and 4, since every other pair rhymes so perfectly, those two should as well.

    And forth line from the bottom: "thrown" should be "throne".

    By Blogger penitentman, at 8/01/2006 09:15:00 AM  

  • Okay Penitentman, here's the scoop. Sometimes a slant rhyme is all you can come up with! Some people say that a poet using slant rhyme is just not working hard enough, so I'm going to take those two lines and see just how I might change them to make it better or more rhymable. And thanks for the spell check on throne. I hadn't noticed that. Actually, you'll be lucky if you find any of my work that doesn't have at least one type in it and the occasionaly misspelling. Thanks for your comments and suggestions.

    By Blogger Ruth, at 8/01/2006 02:19:00 PM  

  • Hehe, believe me, I'm all about the slant rhyme. I think it just stood out to be because it was the only one.

    You could almost leave those 2 lines out, since right after you go on to describe in detail the very actions those lines are talking about.

    This is all opinion, mind you. I'm no pro, only stating my honest assessment if it's even worth calling that.

    :)

    By Blogger penitentman, at 8/01/2006 05:06:00 PM  

  • Okay, how does it read with the following changes to the second and third lines?

    What did God do before he made man?
    Just sit around outlining his glorious plan?
    No, I think not, there was too much to do
    And perhaps at that point, his helpers too few.
    I can just see him now in boots and overalls
    Sawing and nailing and hammering walls.
    Designing a structure to house a gazillion
    Complete with BBQ, deck and pavilion.

    By Blogger Ruth, at 8/02/2006 05:10:00 PM  

  • That reads much better I think. Very nice!

    By Blogger penitentman, at 8/03/2006 07:55:00 AM  

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