Putting Pen To Paper

Friday, July 21, 2006

Veggie Villanelle

posted by Fred MacKenzie at 7/21/2006 08:43:00 PM

This is a villanelle. One of its main features is that entire lines are repeated. The repeated lines must rhyme with each other. The second line of every stanza must rhyme with each other. The first lines of every stanza after the first stanza must also rhyme with the repeating lines.

Veggies

Man, I can't eat any meat!
Green vegetables I do detest.
Being a vegan is quite a feat.

Turn on the stove, turn up the heat.
I can't wait to have that chicken breast.
Man, I can't eat any meat!

Maybe I will enjoy fields of wheat
And also a peel of lemon zest.
Being a vegan is quite a feat.

Broccoli has become a tasty treat.
I am serious, I do not jest.
Man, I can't eat any meat!

Hey, this weight loss is really neat.
I think I have become obsessed.
Being a vegan is quite a feat.

I will be tempted to cheat
But I will pass this taste test.
Man, I can't eat any meat!
Being a vegan is quite a feat.
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click to post a comment or read comments from: Blogger Ruth, Blogger Ruth, Blogger PeggySueO, Blogger WDavid, Blogger Fred MacKenzie, Blogger Peter,

6 Comments:

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Blogger Ruth, at 7/22/2006 04:34:00 AM  

  • Sorry I had to delete the first comment I made. Seems like no matter how well I think I've proofed these posts, as soon as I publish and read it again, those typos just jump out at me then. Hope there aren't any more. Here it is again:

    A cute villanelle Fred. I do have a couple of comments.

    In the second stanza, perhaps "have that chicken breast" needs a more descriptive verb like, sear, or roast, fry, or broil.

    Also, I've found that it's okay to vary the wording slightly on the repeating lines to release a bit of the stiff regimentation they impose.

    The last line of the second stanza might read "Oh man, I can't eat any meat!" or "Darn, I can't eat any meat!"

    Or the fourth stanza last line might read "Man, I don't want any meat!"

    Anyway, I didn't know if you realized you could use just a bit of variation in those lines. As my writing class instructor always said "hope it gives you something to think about"

    By Blogger Ruth, at 7/22/2006 04:38:00 AM  

  • I don't think I really have anything constructive to say here, but I did find it entertaining.

    By Blogger PeggySueO, at 7/24/2006 10:09:00 PM  

  • Fred...I'm sure you did a fine job with this poem, but I don't think I like the villanelle format. With all of those repeated lines and all the varrying positions, I couldn't seem to get a rhythm going when I was reading it.

    Maybe Ruth's suggestions of varying the lines a little would help me.

    BTW, Lemon zest is the very outer yellow part of the lemon peel. So you could not have a "peel of lemon zest". Maybe you could change that line to read "seasoned with grated lemon zest" to spice up the field of wheat.

    By Blogger WDavid, at 7/25/2006 03:57:00 PM  

  • David, the lemon zest is spoken in sarcasm as is fields of wheat. The writer is still complaining at this point that he has to change his diet, and therefore is exaggerating. He couldn't possibly eat a field of wheat and wouldn't possibly eat a lemon zest.

    By Blogger Fred MacKenzie, at 7/25/2006 04:18:00 PM  

  • Having gone from meat eater to vegan and back, I can only say "BRAVO!" -- that is a great poem -- that's exactly what it's like getting off meat, and when (if) you go off vegan, you just have to replace a few words, and you can use this one again then!

    WDavid -- think of the repeated lines as "whining" -- allow us to suffer through this!

    By Blogger Peter, at 7/25/2006 08:44:00 PM  

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