Putting Pen To Paper

Monday, July 17, 2006

These Arms

posted by Aaron at 7/17/2006 03:52:00 AM

These arms are my love, they will pull you in, bringing you comfort and peace.
These arms are my strength, they will protect you, building safety showing you a love that cannot be torn down.
These arms are my soul, they will be still for you guiding intimacy, calm silence and unconditional love.
These arms are my excitement, I will raise them high to celebrate you, bringing freedom to those who notice them , so they can embrace the joy.
These arms are my heart, they will wipe away our tears driving away clouds.
When I dance they will dance with me and give the power of self-expression to my heart.
These arms are my eternity, when I pray or rest, my brow will be lowered to their palms.
When I die, they will be my wings formed by the dreams of my life, and I will fly to heaven.



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click to post a comment or read comments from: Blogger Ruth, Blogger WDavid, Blogger Peter, Blogger Aaron,

4 Comments:

  • Aaron, your poetry is very revealing, showing just how much you have to give, along with showing your strength and faith. We welcome your entries here and hope you will continue to post.

    Regarding this line: "When I dance they will dance with me and give the power of self-exspression to my heart." and the last line of: "When I die, they will be my wings formed by the dreams of my life, and I will fly to heaven. ", since each other line of your poem begins with "These arms...", in order to continue the continuity of the poem, I might rewrite them thusly:

    These arms will dance with me whenI dance and give the power of self-expression to my heart.

    and

    These arms will be my wings when I die, formed by the dreams of my life, and I will fly to heaven.

    These are only suggestions. What do you think?

    By Blogger Ruth, at 7/17/2006 04:36:00 AM  

  • Aaron...Welcome to PPTP. So glad to have you here with us.

    Your poem was wonderfully expressive and painted vivid images for me.

    Ruth suggested altering a couple of lines but I think that just moving one line will do the trick. Try the last four lines in this order...

    These arms are my heart...
    These arms are my eternity...
    When I dance...
    When I die...

    This uses the "When I" variation to set those lines apart from the rest of the poem and kind of wraps it up very neatly. However, that could just be my limited poetry exposure trying to force a rhythm into the piece, so take my suggestion with a grain of salt. :-)

    By Blogger WDavid, at 7/17/2006 05:36:00 AM  

  • Aaron -- interesting theme... one of my arms is featured in my post today -- but I haven't put much thought into how expressive arms can be!

    Your use of "will" throughout raises a question for me -- what do these arms do now????

    For e.g.: These arms are my love, they pull you in, bringing...

    I like the These arms/When I pairings in the last two verses -- maybe you could do that throughout???

    /p

    By Blogger Peter, at 7/18/2006 12:56:00 PM  

  • thanks for all your comments, they are so helpful and wonderful. I am going to make some of those changes right away. Again thanks! Sorry I have been so busy the past couple days..

    By Blogger Aaron, at 7/20/2006 11:21:00 PM  

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